Parenting and Trauma

Traumas that have not healed in this generation have the potential of being passed into the next generation known as Intergenerational Trauma. (Stephen Porges, Neuroscientist 2020). Studies from the Karin Pervis institute for Child Development show that the sense of self in any child does not develop without connection; in fact it develops in the parent-child relationship and other important relationships early in life. We are biologically hard wired to connect with others and when these connections do not happen or they happen in a way that hurt us, our sense of self does not develop appropriately. According to Ana Gomez Psychotherapist and Author these experiences can affect how we parent our children in many ways.

  • The parent may be highly traumatized by living through the traumas of their children and the healing needs to take place in both, the child and the parent.
  • Do to the parents’ early experiences with their own parents, they may have difficulties setting boundaries with their kids, or they may be overprotective, neglectful or abusive or too distant or too intrusive.
  • Parent’s emotional problems can affect their children’s emotional, physical and psychological development. For instance, a parent with depression, without knowing or intending to, may neglect their child’s needs for connection and love. This can result in having a child with emotional and behavioral problems.

Whether you’re dealing with a child from a hard place such as adoption, one that carries a history of trauma, or your own unhealed wounds of trauma, it will be difficult to parent and when this happens children develop an attachment-related injuries which then makes it harder for the parent to connect on a deeper level and the cycle continues. Your parenting decisions have a tremendous impact on your child’s emotional and social development. Their belief systems are modeled by your example, and they will pick up moral values, discipline, and manners from what they see.

I work alongside parents and help them through triggers and overwhelming stress that parenting can bring. I help parents struggling find and heal the emotional blocks that are preventing them from connecting to their children in the way they wish they could.   We work together in healing from possible attachment injuries you as a parent may have or past traumas that get in the way of your parenting today. We develop ways to self-care, set healthy boundaries and not lose yourself. Combining EMDR, Psycho education on trauma/development and using the TBRI methods for parenting to help parents carry a more nurturing, loving connected relationship with their children.

When we see ourselves not being the parents we want to be, the most noble thing we can do is reach out for help. It’s vital that us as parents give our children a healthy basis for eventual adulthood and interdependence. Remember you don’t have to go through this alone. There is help, we can do this together.

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